Because it's Talk Like a Pirate Day

"We Are the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"
by Mike Nawrocki, that genius of humor

Arr, arr, arr, arr

We are the pirates who don’t do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don’t do anything.

Well I’ve never been to Greenland
And I've never been to Denver
And I’ve never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul.
And I’ve never been to Moscow
And I’ve never been to Tampa
And I’ve never been to Boston in the fall.

We're the pirates who don’t do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don’t do anything.

And I’ve never hoist the main sail
And I’ve never swabbed the poop deck
And I’ve never veered to starboard
'Cause I never sail at all.
And I’ve never walked the gangplank
And I’ve never owned a parrot
And I’ve never been to Boston in the fall.

We are the pirates who don’t do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don’t do anything.

Well I've never plucked a rooster
And I'm not too good at ping-pong
And I’ve never thrown my mashed potatoes
Up against the wall.
And I’ve never kissed a chipmunk
And I’ve never gotten head lice
And I’ve never been to Boston in the fall.

And I’ve never licked a spark plug
And I’ve never sniffed a stinkbug
And I’ve never painted daises
On a big red rubber ball.
And I’ve never bathed in yogurt
And I don’t look good in leggings
And we’ve never been to Boston in the fall!