Hope

....but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? Romans 8

"How shall we end the letter?"
"In hope. Love should always end in hope." A Knight's Tale

Small-talk questions seem to go in spurts. For about four, five months, everyone asked how wedding plans were coming. The current question everyone asks is whether I'm starting to get excited. Small-talk, know you, has been a learned skill for me, and I still struggle with the urge to be strictly honest rather than conventional.

The true answer is a resounding "kind of." This is not a reflection on Jonathan, or even cold feet on my part.

It's just, the wedding is still very much in the "hope" category, and not in the "here" category. My fiance is not in town; I haven't seen him since March; I'm not going to see him for another two weeks. Right now, all I see are goodbyes, partings, packings, and more organizing to do and decisions to make and people to mobilize. I don't like leaving my job, town, or people. I don't feel like dealing with music choices. I'm going to miss Mexican food something awful, not to mention mountains. A sweet patient even gave me a wedding present today--a patient. Do I want to leave? No, I don't want to leave.

But that's where the hope comes in. For I consider that the present trials are not worthy to be compared to the glory set before us. It's quite Scriptural, really: store your treasure and send it away in a plain van to collect it later. Give all you have, and receive something much better. Lose this life, and gain another.

And God has a way of sending what you need when you need it. Last Sunday, I talked to a guy I grew up with. We were never close, but he was like a cousin, always there. He said getting married was the greatest earthly happiness he'd ever known. This, from a guy who had never obviously been what you might call romantic.

Oh.

I can start to be getting excited about "greatest earthly happiness." That gives me hope.