I observe that it seems to be mood season. I've been having them too. It's always sort of depressing when you're in a mood and have to go to class or something and be civil: civil, from the civis, the city, or, in other words, have to go and behave suitably toward other humans. It's fine, usually, as long as you remark upon the beauty of the blossoming trees and express hope that tomorrow will be as warm as today or inquire how chapel was. It is more depressing when people ask you how you're doing; which they inevitably do.
Some people ask as a greeting, not an inquiry. That's convenient enough; since they're already six paces past you, you don't have to worry about answering. Most people, however, pay you the courtesy of holding still long enough for you to have to answer. This is the point where civility, sin nature, and a number of confusing factors all moosh in together. The most honest response, "I'm really grumpy. How dare you talk to me? Go jump in Lake Bob" is not precisely an option. So then you feel bad because you wanted to bite their head off for being civil, and try to come up with an alternate answer. The simplest response is "Fine, thanks. You?" That's just not very true, though it will deflect the conversation. Dr. Somerville says he likes to answer, "Better than I deserve," which has the merit of being absolutely true no matter what. Marian has recommended, "I'm struggling today," which is okay, but doesn't sound like me talking. Generally I answer a related question, such as, "What have you done today?" ("I successfully had a quiet time and printed out my DQs") or "Where are you?" ("I'm here").
The nicest people, though, are the ones who actually care how you're doing and you're allowed to tell them plainly that you're in a rotten mood. Everyone else probably cares too, at some level, but if you don't know them that well, you just don't want to spill your heart to them. But real friends will either listen to your woe, give you a hug, or tell you to get a grip, or possibly all three. So it's nice to have friends.
It also occurs to me that it's nice when your generally equanimitous friends have moods, because it proves they too are human. It's when you're finally permitted to give grace, after having to accept it for one's own moods for all of forever.
And before you ask: I actually am doing fine this evening. Thanks. :-)
2 comments:
Yeah, I know what you mean. Ugh.
Sigh. Yup.
Though it further occurs to me that "how are you?" as a greeting stands as one of the very few formalisms remaining in our culture, and as such I should be grateful for it.
I wonder if we can introduce something better.
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